Fiber, It's No Grizzly Bear
by Twillyshoo
Summary: My cousin and I had a funny situation involving fiber and she loves reading my parody's so I decided to make up a story involving fiber and my favorite book series: the Twilight saga.


Fiber, It's No Grizzly Bear

TP  
Staring: EDWARD CULLEN and EMMETT CULLEN

Edward got out of Jacob's bed where he had spent the night and jumped out the window, only returning once to leave a handfull of flowers on the pillow beside the sleeping Jacob. He was clearly dead asleep from his long night.

"Hey, Edward, where have you been?" asked Emmett as Edward came in through the door.  
"I was out running. I had nothing better to do." Edward lied.  
"Hm...well, I'm making breakfast if you want some."  
"Human food? That's so gross!" Edward cringed.  
"No, really, this stuff is like the heaven we'll never get a chance to experience. It's better than a really nice hand job, or a perfect, kinky night of lots of sex and lust." Emmett started pouring things from two different boxes into a bowl. He then poured milk over it and stuck a spoon in it. "I tried this stuff one day out of curiosity. I snuck into a humans' house, found a bowl sitting there with this in it, tried it and WOW! I loved it! I don't know what tempted me to do it, but it was amazing."  
"Why were you in someone's house again?" Edward asked.  
"Um. Well...I was looking for some hot ideas like kinky clothes to buy Rosalie for Christmas. We haven't been really having much sex lately and I'm so fucking horny, Edward. I need to let her know I want it without just saying it because it'd probably piss her off. I don't know why though. I'll never understand women, not even if I live another couple hundred years."  
Edward nodded, took the bowl from the counter and smelled it, wondering if he should try it. "What's it called?"  
"Cereal and milk you dumbass."  
"It doesn't look like cereal. Why are there so many differen't --"  
Emmett cut Edward off, "Just eat it already. You'll like it, promise."  
Edward sighed then took a bite, standing by the sink just incase he needed to spit it out.  
"Like it?" asked Emmett as Edward devoured the rest.  
Edward nodded.  
Emmet laughed.  
"Show me how to make it." Edward demanded, shoving the bowl at Emmett.  
Emmett showed Edward the three, simple steps.  
Edward made more and ate it all, licking the bowl for any left overs. He ended up eating all the cereal and milk they had. "I want more!" Edward cried. "Where do you get this stuff?"  
"At pretty much any store. Look, I know it's good, but aren't you goign a little too far?" Emmett asked. "Edward?" Emmett looked around the room, but Edward was gone.

**...**

As Edward ran to the store, all he could think about was the taste of the food Emmett introduced him to. He was as addicted to it as one gets addicted to heroine. It was rather pathetic.

Edward grabbed what he needed, paid for it, then ran back home. He ended up eating all of it again. As he finished the last bowl, he grabbed his stomach and fell to the floor. "This feeling," he thought, "What is this feeling? It's so familiar, but, I can't figure it out." Edward's eyes light up. "OH!" he shouted.  
As he came out of the bathroom, Emmett walked by. "Are you ok?" Emmett asked. "You were in there a long time and we never use that thing so I was worried."  
Edward said, "Fiber. Do you remember the feeling when you eat to much fiber? Back when we were humans, it'd make us --"  
"Oh!" Emmett cut him off. "But, we can't do that anymore. I don't understand." Emmett pondered. "Unless, that stuff is cursed and it makes us work again in ways we don't want to work. Oh my god..." Emmett started freaking out.  
Edward slapped Emmett. "Calm down, Emmett! It's not that big of a deal." Edward lowered his head. "Just to let you know, I now know what it feels like to have buttsecks with a giant and I don't particularly like it as well as a normal..." he paused, Emmett looking at his with his head cocked. "As normal sex with a woman is what I meant." Edward sighed, glad he saved himself.  
Emmett nodded then started to walk away.  
"It's no grizzly bear," Edward began, "But it still tastes good. Excluding the afer effects, that is."


End file.
